Today, D-Ed Reckoning has a very thorough post explaining why many kids are finding themselves behind: The root cause.
Teachers and education schools are spending more and more time encouraging other teachers to get more creative and write their own lesson plans, instead of using pre-made lesson plans and scripted curricula. But the truth is, teaching a group of students is very hard, and it's probably a rare person who can make perfect lessons in a short time or on the fly. It's very easy to see how a student could get confused, even learning very fundamental concepts such as "color" or "red". It's ten times harder to think of teaching something like reading.
Creativity has its place. Everyone wants to love their job and feel like they are doing something special. As a scientist, a technical writer, and a programmer, I've seen people who just go too far in trying to be creative. For example, I know it's a very common thing for technical writers to bristle at templates, style guides and writing rules, because it seems like it's taking away their creativity. They just want to fiddle with the font a few more times, or use a word a slightly different way, or just mix things up so their life is a little less scripted and predictable. But, while this fiddling may make them feel more productive, creative, smart, or useful, frequently it is a detriment to their product. If they change the template too much, it will look different from other writers' books. If they change the common convention, it can make it harder for new users to adapt. Just think about software or web sites you've used -- you can see how people have come up with new paradigms and metaphors for interacting with their design, but quite often users aren't looking for novelty when they are just trying to find what they are looking for or to efficiently complete their task.
Creativity is only good in small doses.
While homeschooling my son it is very easy for me to stop when he is confused and help correct him immediately, so incorrect ideas don't linger in his head for a long time. If he understands well, we can go rushing forward. If it takes him a month to figure something out, we can do that too! I believe in teaching to mastery. If you don't internalize what you are learning, you won't be able to build on it.
Last night we finished lesson two in "Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons". Some kids just figure out reading without any special instruction (my sister and I, for example), but I've decided to see if my son gets more confidence with this scripted direct instruction approach. I know that other males in my family have struggled with slow or non-fluid reading skills, despite being quite intelligent, and I wonder if a direct instruction approach like this would have helped. Or not. But if I see it isn't working, it's easy for me to change gears on the fly!
Friday, September 28, 2007
The Dry Socket Diet and Why I Love Clove Oil
I never thought I'd be tired of ice cream. But I am. I had my wisdom teeth out 8 days ago. I actually did the whole thing awake, which was a bit unpleasant, but I didn't want them to put me to sleep, because my daughter still nurses just about every night. Sure, I could have pumped for a day, but I threw away the breast pump when she turned a year old. I had, like most women, a love-hate relationship with that thing.
Anyway, I developed this charming thing called "dry socket" in one of my little tooth holes. Apparently, this happens about 5% of the time (boy am I good at developing those 5% side effects and complications!), and it means your tooth hole probably didn't clot right, and as a result you have an open wound with bit of bone and/or nerve hanging out. It really quite painful. I found myself whining and moaning every night, and actually had trouble sleeping. The pain really wasn't helped by OTC remedies such as Advil or Tylenol at all.
So, because of all this pain, I pretty much wasn't eating much at all. I ate broth and ice cream. Occasionally, I'd try swallowing noodles in soup or bits of mushed up baked potato, but the effort involved was painful and usually ended up getting little bits of food stuck in the poor holes in my mouth. Ice cream is probably the most pleasant thing to eat, since it's cold, but after polishing off two entire containers of ice cream, I'm tired of it! In fact, in the past week, I've lost 4-5 pounds. So, folks, if you want to lose weight, try my dry socket diet! Eat all the ice cream you want and still lose weight!
Thankfully, my husband took pity on me (or he simply got tired of my incessant whining) and he called the dentist two days ago. They said they could see me immidiately, and they packed my poor little socket with a dressing covered in clove oil. Now, this really felt horrible at first. They have to jam that little dressing in there, and it's really quite disgusting and painful (I don't even want to know what the "squishy sounds" I heard were). But within a few minutes it felt a little better, and by evening, I was actually smiling! I slept well that night and even had the patience to stay up with the baby, trying to get her to do anything but nurse, since I've been trying to wean her for three months now. (But when you have painful wisdom teeth, 87 million painful sinus infections, and all sorts of other craziness, it's hard to try really hard to wean anyone.)
Today, after I got my socket re-packed (didn't hurt at all!) I actually enjoyed the clove oil taste. I love cloves! So I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some nice soups that I can blend up with my beloved hand blender (no chunks!) and made sure to steer myself towards the ones that would go well with cloves (mmm... pumpkin bisque...).
Yay clove oil! You saved my mouth!
Anyway, I developed this charming thing called "dry socket" in one of my little tooth holes. Apparently, this happens about 5% of the time (boy am I good at developing those 5% side effects and complications!), and it means your tooth hole probably didn't clot right, and as a result you have an open wound with bit of bone and/or nerve hanging out. It really quite painful. I found myself whining and moaning every night, and actually had trouble sleeping. The pain really wasn't helped by OTC remedies such as Advil or Tylenol at all.
So, because of all this pain, I pretty much wasn't eating much at all. I ate broth and ice cream. Occasionally, I'd try swallowing noodles in soup or bits of mushed up baked potato, but the effort involved was painful and usually ended up getting little bits of food stuck in the poor holes in my mouth. Ice cream is probably the most pleasant thing to eat, since it's cold, but after polishing off two entire containers of ice cream, I'm tired of it! In fact, in the past week, I've lost 4-5 pounds. So, folks, if you want to lose weight, try my dry socket diet! Eat all the ice cream you want and still lose weight!
Thankfully, my husband took pity on me (or he simply got tired of my incessant whining) and he called the dentist two days ago. They said they could see me immidiately, and they packed my poor little socket with a dressing covered in clove oil. Now, this really felt horrible at first. They have to jam that little dressing in there, and it's really quite disgusting and painful (I don't even want to know what the "squishy sounds" I heard were). But within a few minutes it felt a little better, and by evening, I was actually smiling! I slept well that night and even had the patience to stay up with the baby, trying to get her to do anything but nurse, since I've been trying to wean her for three months now. (But when you have painful wisdom teeth, 87 million painful sinus infections, and all sorts of other craziness, it's hard to try really hard to wean anyone.)
Today, after I got my socket re-packed (didn't hurt at all!) I actually enjoyed the clove oil taste. I love cloves! So I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some nice soups that I can blend up with my beloved hand blender (no chunks!) and made sure to steer myself towards the ones that would go well with cloves (mmm... pumpkin bisque...).
Yay clove oil! You saved my mouth!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
New Robots for Your Home!
It looks like the folks at iRobot have been busy, and are releasing two new robots: one to clean your gutters and one to give you a virtual presence in your home.
Now, I love my Roomba. It is a quick and easy way to clean 80% of the dirt in on the floor. It doesn't get the corners perfectly, and sometimes it makes me crazy wandering around seemingly randomly. It often vacuums the same area 20 times, while a giant pile of dirt sits somewhere else. I should probably just learn to program it to run while I'm out. Anyway, it's an amazing thing to have when your have an older infant who can crawl and wants to eat any tiny little crumb of who-knows-what that someone left on the floor.
Anyway, the robots that cleans gutters sounds amazing! I want one already. Friends of mine say they love their Scoobas, but I don't have one of those. I'm not sure I really understand the point of the other robot. It sounds rather expensive -- I'd rather just use my cell phone to IM someone who is afar. Heck, we'll sit down and Google Chat, too. Both of those came in handy while my husband was away in Taiwan. But having a little robot following me around the house? It seems a bit much.
Would anyone want that one? What would you use it for? Any other Roomba-lovers out there?
Now, I love my Roomba. It is a quick and easy way to clean 80% of the dirt in on the floor. It doesn't get the corners perfectly, and sometimes it makes me crazy wandering around seemingly randomly. It often vacuums the same area 20 times, while a giant pile of dirt sits somewhere else. I should probably just learn to program it to run while I'm out. Anyway, it's an amazing thing to have when your have an older infant who can crawl and wants to eat any tiny little crumb of who-knows-what that someone left on the floor.
Anyway, the robots that cleans gutters sounds amazing! I want one already. Friends of mine say they love their Scoobas, but I don't have one of those. I'm not sure I really understand the point of the other robot. It sounds rather expensive -- I'd rather just use my cell phone to IM someone who is afar. Heck, we'll sit down and Google Chat, too. Both of those came in handy while my husband was away in Taiwan. But having a little robot following me around the house? It seems a bit much.
Would anyone want that one? What would you use it for? Any other Roomba-lovers out there?
Looking to the Past
It's always fun to look back and see what you were up to in years past. I'm going to try to look back at past Septembers and see what I was up to.
One year ago, I finally came back here after having a baby.
Two years ago, I finally found an RSS reader. I abandoned Bloglines some time ago, and now use Google Reader.
Three years ago, I hadn't quite gotten up the courage to start a blog, despite having read them for years.
What were you doing last year?
One year ago, I finally came back here after having a baby.
Two years ago, I finally found an RSS reader. I abandoned Bloglines some time ago, and now use Google Reader.
Three years ago, I hadn't quite gotten up the courage to start a blog, despite having read them for years.
What were you doing last year?
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Playing With the Template
Expect this is change a bit if I have the time or inclination. I keep meaning to fix it up, and make it look like me. I just upgraded to the new Blogger templates, at the very least, to get the new functionality they've added.
Just don't be shocked if this place looks different a few times while I fiddle around.
Just don't be shocked if this place looks different a few times while I fiddle around.
Homeschool Park Days
I mentioned in my post a month ago that we tried out a a homeschooling group's park day. It was a complete blast! My son had the best time finding new friends and playing medeival knight. I loved that there was finally a group of people who would understand when I told my son that his sword was at home "in the weapon box". Yes folks, he has a toy box just for weapons. Not something I can admit just about anywhere, since it's just not PC, apparently. But he loves drama, and he loves the struggle between good and evil. He loves to pretend to be a valiant, noble defender, and I think that's fantastic! So he teamed up with the other kids at the park toting swords and wearing tunics. ;)
I really love that the group is so multi-age. It felt like one big family reunion. It really just made me realize how incredibly unnatural it is to have kids segregated by age. Kids need older kids to look up to and help them grow. They need younger kids to make them feel big and to have someone to teach their skills to. It just made my heart sing to see these teenaged kids playing with the little ones, and just having a great time. It felt so much like home.
My littlest tiniest hope is that I will find a parent who is anything like me. Oddly enough, I'm not sure I will. I respect everyone's choices for schools, but the parents I talked with last week were mostly talking about the coop classes they sent their kids to, and one of the moms even made a comment about her son's medeival literature class and she wondered why on earth he liked it. It made me a bit sad. I really want a kindred spirit. Someone else who can't wait to share their love of science and math and history with their kids. Partly, I think most of the parents do work, either part time, full time on nights and weekends, or with their own business. Maybe they don't have time to teach their kids everything. Or they choose not to, I don't know. It's just too expensive out here.
I just want a friend who understands me. (Well, besides my husband. He rocks, and I adore him, but he can't be my only friend -- it's not fair to either of us!)
I really love that the group is so multi-age. It felt like one big family reunion. It really just made me realize how incredibly unnatural it is to have kids segregated by age. Kids need older kids to look up to and help them grow. They need younger kids to make them feel big and to have someone to teach their skills to. It just made my heart sing to see these teenaged kids playing with the little ones, and just having a great time. It felt so much like home.
My littlest tiniest hope is that I will find a parent who is anything like me. Oddly enough, I'm not sure I will. I respect everyone's choices for schools, but the parents I talked with last week were mostly talking about the coop classes they sent their kids to, and one of the moms even made a comment about her son's medeival literature class and she wondered why on earth he liked it. It made me a bit sad. I really want a kindred spirit. Someone else who can't wait to share their love of science and math and history with their kids. Partly, I think most of the parents do work, either part time, full time on nights and weekends, or with their own business. Maybe they don't have time to teach their kids everything. Or they choose not to, I don't know. It's just too expensive out here.
I just want a friend who understands me. (Well, besides my husband. He rocks, and I adore him, but he can't be my only friend -- it's not fair to either of us!)
Delay Before Starting
What a month! It's been pretty crazy here. So I'll try to do a quick update on my life.
The job interview actually went incredibly well. They ended up offering me a job. Luckily, I had plenty of time to think it over, because the recruiter and I kept missing each other and she was on vacation a few days. The offer was very flattering, and I almost accepted. But then I realized I would only be accepting it for selfish reasons. I liked the idea of building what they wanted built. And I liked the idea of the huge promotion and raise it would mean for me. But it would put us back to being a two-income family always stressed out with a messy house and who-knows-what for dinner. And I know I would never, ever, ever be happy that way. So I said no. I think I passed the first big test of my resolve.
We've spent the past month with my husband out of the country for two seperate weeks.
I got a huge sinus infection that left me pretty much useless and miserable. I decided to use the time I have now, finally, to take care of mysels a little bit and get my wisdom teeth pulled -- I suspect they might be partly behind my frequent sinus infections. I mean, they really had to go -- shortly after my 30th birthday, one of them partly erupted, but then got stuck. It was a happy little breeding ground for infection (and when it was removed, yes in fact, there was an infection going on). I was trying to wait until the baby was weaned, but she's proving to be at least as stubborn as my son, and with a sinus infection and no backup from my husband while he was out of the country, I just didn't have the energy to do it. So I had the teeth removed while I was awake (no sedation for me!). Ouch.
I've also developed a charming thing called "dry socket". Apparently the healing of one of the pulled teeth is going a bit wonky, and I have exposed, inflamed bone and nerves. It should delay healing and it hurts incredibly bad.
But! And here's the good news.
We finally informed the daycare we're pulling the kids -- they require 30 days notice, and this way, I'll have the chance to rest and finish healing up. Hopefuly, I can get the house in order, and plan plan plan!
I read "What Your Kindergartener Keeds To Know" -- I think it might be a nice place to start. I'm really interested in a reading-intensive program. My son loves being read to, and will only do workbooks (or even coloring books!) on the occasional once or twice a month that it strikes his fancy.
I've also (in my fun recovery time) read all of The Well Trained Mind. I think I'll be using a lot of their ideas. Once again, it's very reading based, and history based, which excites me. I want my son (and daughter!) to nderstand history, because most peopel today do not. I think it was the weakest part of my own education, and I constantly feel like my parents got a much better education in that sense than I did. They were classically trained, in catholic parochial schools. I'm not sure I'll stick with the schedule that the Wise's recommend though. I don't think I could wait until he's 9 to do physics experiments, and if he's anything like me, he's going to blow through some subjects (like math) much faster.
We already did one lesson from "Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons". I'm not sure if it will work, but we'll see. I think this will help him simply because he is a perfectionist, and I think he doesn't try reading because he hates to be wrong. We made a sticker/stamp chart to fill in after each assignment. We'll see if this works. I'm hopeful, but honestly I give it maybe a 50% chance. If my son ends up not enjoying it, we'll put it aside for later.
I'm skipping the writing exercises in that book. I have a Kumon workbook for writing if he ever cares to try, but mostly I'm doing stealth teaching of his writing. He play hangman -- he makes up fake words by randomly filling in letters while I guess, then I have to pronounce whatever weird word he makes up. His letters are getting much better, and he's getting really good at drawing stick figures. ;) I have a lot of work that his daycare did to undo. They have them writing, but never taught them the correct way to write the letters, so he's always starting at the bottom and pushing up (for example). I'm hoping the Kumon book will help him learn the right order, when he's ready. Right now, that sort of "help" will just discourage him and make him feel bad, I think. He really does not like to feel wrong, and his daycare set him up to fail by not teaching him to write letters properly. I wish they'd just left it alone!
Other steps I'm taking include:
* Playing classical music from time to time. This house has the most amazing surround sound speakers connected to the sterio/CD player/receiver, placed around a room with a hardwood floor. The sound is just incredible!
* Playing games like Uno and chess. He can't get through a game of Chutes and Ladders, but he loves Uno and chess!
* Reading, reading, reading! He loves the Magic Treehosue books, which is hopefully getting him to begin to get used to different places and peroids of history. Next time I"m at the library, I'm going to look for good kids versions of myths. He loves drama!
* He is hopelessly obsessed with the TV, so I'm trying to record some things that might actually teach him something. I recorded a show called Modern Marvels this week, specifically the episode about knives, swords and axes. I think it was a hit. ;) He's always had a need for massive amounts of input, and what with me being sick, the husband out of town, and an asthmatic baby, well... I can't always provide all the input he needs. I don't think TVs are evil and I do believe in recreation that isn't always about learning.... but I do think he's gone overboard recently. I also put the old shows Voyagers in the Netflix queue. More history! ;)
In other news, I'm trying to find a way to make money. DH doesn't make enough alone to pay all the bills. I'm still on vacation at work until Friday (yes, I really had six weeks of vacation stored up... I wonder how I got so burnt out? ;D) and after that we have money saved up for a rainy day. But that won't last forever, so I'm going to try to make small business web pages and do freelance writing. I have *no* idea where I will find the time or energy for that, though!
It would help if my son was a decent sleeper. Or my daughter was. Or my husband was. Or I was. My daughter has allergies and asthma, and if I or she eat a tiny bit on onion, she has gas pains all night. So lately, we've been up with her. A lot. You wouldn't believe how impossible it is to avoid onions, unless you cook absolutely everything from scratch. Which I did do for a while, but ever since we moved (and I've been miserably in pain) it just hsan't happened. I still haven't even found all the boxes with kitchen pots and pans yet!
Anyway, sorry its been a month, but that's my update! 30 days to clean up, heal up, start a business, and get ready for a whole new life, with my kids by my side.
The job interview actually went incredibly well. They ended up offering me a job. Luckily, I had plenty of time to think it over, because the recruiter and I kept missing each other and she was on vacation a few days. The offer was very flattering, and I almost accepted. But then I realized I would only be accepting it for selfish reasons. I liked the idea of building what they wanted built. And I liked the idea of the huge promotion and raise it would mean for me. But it would put us back to being a two-income family always stressed out with a messy house and who-knows-what for dinner. And I know I would never, ever, ever be happy that way. So I said no. I think I passed the first big test of my resolve.
We've spent the past month with my husband out of the country for two seperate weeks.
I got a huge sinus infection that left me pretty much useless and miserable. I decided to use the time I have now, finally, to take care of mysels a little bit and get my wisdom teeth pulled -- I suspect they might be partly behind my frequent sinus infections. I mean, they really had to go -- shortly after my 30th birthday, one of them partly erupted, but then got stuck. It was a happy little breeding ground for infection (and when it was removed, yes in fact, there was an infection going on). I was trying to wait until the baby was weaned, but she's proving to be at least as stubborn as my son, and with a sinus infection and no backup from my husband while he was out of the country, I just didn't have the energy to do it. So I had the teeth removed while I was awake (no sedation for me!). Ouch.
I've also developed a charming thing called "dry socket". Apparently the healing of one of the pulled teeth is going a bit wonky, and I have exposed, inflamed bone and nerves. It should delay healing and it hurts incredibly bad.
But! And here's the good news.
We finally informed the daycare we're pulling the kids -- they require 30 days notice, and this way, I'll have the chance to rest and finish healing up. Hopefuly, I can get the house in order, and plan plan plan!
I read "What Your Kindergartener Keeds To Know" -- I think it might be a nice place to start. I'm really interested in a reading-intensive program. My son loves being read to, and will only do workbooks (or even coloring books!) on the occasional once or twice a month that it strikes his fancy.
I've also (in my fun recovery time) read all of The Well Trained Mind. I think I'll be using a lot of their ideas. Once again, it's very reading based, and history based, which excites me. I want my son (and daughter!) to nderstand history, because most peopel today do not. I think it was the weakest part of my own education, and I constantly feel like my parents got a much better education in that sense than I did. They were classically trained, in catholic parochial schools. I'm not sure I'll stick with the schedule that the Wise's recommend though. I don't think I could wait until he's 9 to do physics experiments, and if he's anything like me, he's going to blow through some subjects (like math) much faster.
We already did one lesson from "Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons". I'm not sure if it will work, but we'll see. I think this will help him simply because he is a perfectionist, and I think he doesn't try reading because he hates to be wrong. We made a sticker/stamp chart to fill in after each assignment. We'll see if this works. I'm hopeful, but honestly I give it maybe a 50% chance. If my son ends up not enjoying it, we'll put it aside for later.
I'm skipping the writing exercises in that book. I have a Kumon workbook for writing if he ever cares to try, but mostly I'm doing stealth teaching of his writing. He play hangman -- he makes up fake words by randomly filling in letters while I guess, then I have to pronounce whatever weird word he makes up. His letters are getting much better, and he's getting really good at drawing stick figures. ;) I have a lot of work that his daycare did to undo. They have them writing, but never taught them the correct way to write the letters, so he's always starting at the bottom and pushing up (for example). I'm hoping the Kumon book will help him learn the right order, when he's ready. Right now, that sort of "help" will just discourage him and make him feel bad, I think. He really does not like to feel wrong, and his daycare set him up to fail by not teaching him to write letters properly. I wish they'd just left it alone!
Other steps I'm taking include:
* Playing classical music from time to time. This house has the most amazing surround sound speakers connected to the sterio/CD player/receiver, placed around a room with a hardwood floor. The sound is just incredible!
* Playing games like Uno and chess. He can't get through a game of Chutes and Ladders, but he loves Uno and chess!
* Reading, reading, reading! He loves the Magic Treehosue books, which is hopefully getting him to begin to get used to different places and peroids of history. Next time I"m at the library, I'm going to look for good kids versions of myths. He loves drama!
* He is hopelessly obsessed with the TV, so I'm trying to record some things that might actually teach him something. I recorded a show called Modern Marvels this week, specifically the episode about knives, swords and axes. I think it was a hit. ;) He's always had a need for massive amounts of input, and what with me being sick, the husband out of town, and an asthmatic baby, well... I can't always provide all the input he needs. I don't think TVs are evil and I do believe in recreation that isn't always about learning.... but I do think he's gone overboard recently. I also put the old shows Voyagers in the Netflix queue. More history! ;)
In other news, I'm trying to find a way to make money. DH doesn't make enough alone to pay all the bills. I'm still on vacation at work until Friday (yes, I really had six weeks of vacation stored up... I wonder how I got so burnt out? ;D) and after that we have money saved up for a rainy day. But that won't last forever, so I'm going to try to make small business web pages and do freelance writing. I have *no* idea where I will find the time or energy for that, though!
It would help if my son was a decent sleeper. Or my daughter was. Or my husband was. Or I was. My daughter has allergies and asthma, and if I or she eat a tiny bit on onion, she has gas pains all night. So lately, we've been up with her. A lot. You wouldn't believe how impossible it is to avoid onions, unless you cook absolutely everything from scratch. Which I did do for a while, but ever since we moved (and I've been miserably in pain) it just hsan't happened. I still haven't even found all the boxes with kitchen pots and pans yet!
Anyway, sorry its been a month, but that's my update! 30 days to clean up, heal up, start a business, and get ready for a whole new life, with my kids by my side.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I Quit My Job
So, for anyone still coming back here from time to time -- I finally quit my job. I couldn't take it anymore. My son hates preschool, I wasn't enjoying my job, and life was crazy.
I had an interview last week, but it isn't looking too promising.
But you know what? I think we're going to try homeschooling. We found a local park playgroup and met them yesterday. This morning, my son asked me to homeschool him. I've spent today researching and coming up with ideas and plans. The daycare requires 30 days written notice, so I have time to get my ducks in a row, and try to come up with a way to make money to afford this crazy rent.
I'm so excited, and so scared.
I had an interview last week, but it isn't looking too promising.
But you know what? I think we're going to try homeschooling. We found a local park playgroup and met them yesterday. This morning, my son asked me to homeschool him. I've spent today researching and coming up with ideas and plans. The daycare requires 30 days written notice, so I have time to get my ducks in a row, and try to come up with a way to make money to afford this crazy rent.
I'm so excited, and so scared.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Weekly Weak Moments
So, this has been a harder week. The first week of a diet is always so much easier. It's something new, you feel like you're taking control, and you can do it. Then the next week, reality sets in, and you realize you've eaten the same thing for 4 days in a row, because you know it works and you have it in the house... but you're already bored. Oops!
This week has been harder for a few reasons. My husband started classes again, so he's gone three evenings a week. That makes making dinner and eating dinner that much harder. Or planning snacks for the next day. Or relaxing, getting sleep, etc.. I feel more like I need to use food to reward myself. I've run out of some of the easier foods to eat, because we haven't been to the grocery store since last Saturday.
So far I'm keeping within points. I mean, heck, I get basically 15 points a day plus Core foods. But I'm not making great choices, and I've felt hungry and cranky due to having less food, less healthy food, less exercise, and just being overwhelmed.
The house is a mess... everything feels like it's a mess.
I'm currently going through FlyLady's BabySteps (again!) to rebuild my routines. I seem to have to do that often, but I think it happens a lot after stressful times and when my routine needs to change but I can't figure out how. For example, for a long time my evening routine was pretty well set, but with dh taking evening classes, it's pretty much shot. I have to re-arrange things, and I haven't made that work yet, so it's fallen apart, and consequently my mornings are crazier (because I'm still rushing around trying to find everyone's lunch and clothes) and I'm forgetting things for the kids (I swear, it was 50 degrees 3 days ago and the poor boy only had a light jacket and was wearing shorts!) and I'm lucky if I get a shower, so I just feel disgusting. That does not lend itself towards keeping the house clean, which means it harder to make meals, and really, everything just snowballs.
So, I'm trying to rebuild routines. One thing I just added was to give myself 15 minutes in the morning, even if it is once I get to work, to give myself a pep talk and arrange my day. I look over what needs to be done and make a list, plus I just tell myself I'm doing a good job and that I can get everything done. I hope it helps.
Maybe we can get our acts together so we can see friends again. Some recently asked if we wanted to get together (either here or there) and I just panicked. I really miss people, and I love seeing them, but I'm just scared of everything right now. Bleh.
This week has been harder for a few reasons. My husband started classes again, so he's gone three evenings a week. That makes making dinner and eating dinner that much harder. Or planning snacks for the next day. Or relaxing, getting sleep, etc.. I feel more like I need to use food to reward myself. I've run out of some of the easier foods to eat, because we haven't been to the grocery store since last Saturday.
So far I'm keeping within points. I mean, heck, I get basically 15 points a day plus Core foods. But I'm not making great choices, and I've felt hungry and cranky due to having less food, less healthy food, less exercise, and just being overwhelmed.
The house is a mess... everything feels like it's a mess.
I'm currently going through FlyLady's BabySteps (again!) to rebuild my routines. I seem to have to do that often, but I think it happens a lot after stressful times and when my routine needs to change but I can't figure out how. For example, for a long time my evening routine was pretty well set, but with dh taking evening classes, it's pretty much shot. I have to re-arrange things, and I haven't made that work yet, so it's fallen apart, and consequently my mornings are crazier (because I'm still rushing around trying to find everyone's lunch and clothes) and I'm forgetting things for the kids (I swear, it was 50 degrees 3 days ago and the poor boy only had a light jacket and was wearing shorts!) and I'm lucky if I get a shower, so I just feel disgusting. That does not lend itself towards keeping the house clean, which means it harder to make meals, and really, everything just snowballs.
So, I'm trying to rebuild routines. One thing I just added was to give myself 15 minutes in the morning, even if it is once I get to work, to give myself a pep talk and arrange my day. I look over what needs to be done and make a list, plus I just tell myself I'm doing a good job and that I can get everything done. I hope it helps.
Maybe we can get our acts together so we can see friends again. Some recently asked if we wanted to get together (either here or there) and I just panicked. I really miss people, and I love seeing them, but I'm just scared of everything right now. Bleh.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Dance Dance Revolution Exercise Plan
I mentioned how I intend to take advantage of our new PS2 and DDR to lose weight and got a comment (imagine that! I have commenters! Eek!) about it.
I actually got the idea from a few places. Okay, the first is that DDR actually has a game play mode called "workout". But I'd heard of it being used before that. A good friend of mine lost over 100 pounds a couple years back. She used weightwatchers, Curves, and (oddly enough) DDR. Since she's a video game player like myself, it worked out well for her. It provides entertainment while you exercise (nothing is more boring to me than, say, running!) and it helps drive you to keep going, even when you're tired. I'm far more likely to keep playing a game when I'm tired than I am to keep plodding along on a treadmill. I might want to get to a new level, or beat a high score, or whatever.
But the first time it ever crossed my mind was about 5 years ago when I was at a conference for work. The hotel I stayed at was across the street from a very nifty arcade and a friend I was with suggested we try it out. Well, while I was there, I saw a teenager playing his DDR heart out for
about half an hour, and he was absolutely covered in sweat. I remember my mind briefly thinking, "wow... That looks like a good workout!"
Anyway, as I said, my version (and many other versions) of DDR actually has a workout mode. You can input your weight and set a few options in order to configure your workout. You can specify if you want to exercise for a certain amount of time, or a certain amount of calories, and the system will craft an exercise routine just for you! It starts out slow to warm up, builds in intensity, and then slows down at the end to cool. Somehow or another it even estimates the calories you've burned.
Monday, January 08, 2007
One Week Into the New Diet
I'm usually not a person who makes New Year's Resolutions. I do believe in changing myself for the better, but it seems pointless to wait until New Year's to do it. If I want to change myself, it's better to start right when I have the urge. In this case, the urge just happened to come around New Year's day, so I actually have a real live resolution this year.
You see, I was just on a short vacation to visit family. It was a very fun trip. The thing is, I hadn't seen my sister in about 2 years. I last saw her when she came here to visit and had a 6 month old. Naturally, she was holding lots of baby weight from two kids, plus had that extra-curvy nursing body still. However, this visit, I was the one with the 5 month old, the baby weight, and the nursing body. I'm 40 pounds over where I was before I had kids. She just lost 35 pounds. We have such identical body types that it was like looking at a living, breathing "this is what you could be!" poster. I have to say, it hit me like a ton of brick. I couldn't believe how small she looked. I don't think she's ever weighed less than me before. Ever. I think seeing my sister made an impact on my mom too, because we both swore to lose weight for real this time. My husband also joined up, and my mom told my dad he was, too. He has diabetes, and while he lost a good deal of weight around the time he was diagnosed he still has at least 50 pounds he really should lose.
Apparently my sister made this big change by:
Now, I know in the beginning of diets you tend to lose a lot of weight without much work, but I was quite pleased to see that not only did I keep within my points (I actually had 15 left over for the week! I'm too good at this, I guess....) but I lost 3.2 pounds. Go me!!
Hopefully DDR will help me out a lot. I find it hard to do exercises -- it really bores me. But if it's part of a game, my competitiveness will keep me going! My son likes to try to dance along too (or just run in circles) and likes to pick out the music I dance to. My husband takes turns too. Hopefully we'll keep it up!
Also, I just used my birthday gift certificate on a set of weights to do some lifting. I'm going to start following one of the routines from stumptuous.com and use the videos from Weightwatchers online to figure out how to do the exercises correctly.
Wish me luck!
You see, I was just on a short vacation to visit family. It was a very fun trip. The thing is, I hadn't seen my sister in about 2 years. I last saw her when she came here to visit and had a 6 month old. Naturally, she was holding lots of baby weight from two kids, plus had that extra-curvy nursing body still. However, this visit, I was the one with the 5 month old, the baby weight, and the nursing body. I'm 40 pounds over where I was before I had kids. She just lost 35 pounds. We have such identical body types that it was like looking at a living, breathing "this is what you could be!" poster. I have to say, it hit me like a ton of brick. I couldn't believe how small she looked. I don't think she's ever weighed less than me before. Ever. I think seeing my sister made an impact on my mom too, because we both swore to lose weight for real this time. My husband also joined up, and my mom told my dad he was, too. He has diabetes, and while he lost a good deal of weight around the time he was diagnosed he still has at least 50 pounds he really should lose.
Apparently my sister made this big change by:
- Not having any more babies. :D
- Gave up her breakfast Coke.
- Stopped snacking by playing World of Warcraft all evening.
Now, I know in the beginning of diets you tend to lose a lot of weight without much work, but I was quite pleased to see that not only did I keep within my points (I actually had 15 left over for the week! I'm too good at this, I guess....) but I lost 3.2 pounds. Go me!!
Hopefully DDR will help me out a lot. I find it hard to do exercises -- it really bores me. But if it's part of a game, my competitiveness will keep me going! My son likes to try to dance along too (or just run in circles) and likes to pick out the music I dance to. My husband takes turns too. Hopefully we'll keep it up!
Also, I just used my birthday gift certificate on a set of weights to do some lifting. I'm going to start following one of the routines from stumptuous.com and use the videos from Weightwatchers online to figure out how to do the exercises correctly.
Wish me luck!
Monday, November 27, 2006
Homeschooling Grandparents
I just read an interesting entry about grandparents who homeschool their grandkids. What an amazing idea!
Of course, that's the root of my quandaray, really. In order to be able to afford homeschooling (that is, me quitting my job and having the family rely on one income), I need to move away from my parents. There's no way we could afford it out here in Silicon Valley.
That's probably the number one reason we haven't moved yet. I can't imagine being away from my parents, who are two of my absolute best friends. And great parents. And excellent drop-of-the-hat babysitters. I love to watch my mom play with my kids. I can't imagine interfering with that wonderful relationship. Or my relationship with them. And, now that they are getting older, I just want to be there to support them if they ever ever ever need it at all.
But staying here for them means sending the kids to public school. In California. Gah. If I want them to see a half decent school, it means moving to ultra yuppieville. Not only do I not want to pay that kind of money on a house (renting, that is, I could never afford a $2 million home), I don't really want to live around a lot of the people who live there. Not to mention, it means giving up on owning a house.
Life has too many difficult decisions. All I know is I can't stay at my present job. I won't really go into details (I have no desire to Dooce myself!), but I really just don't like it, despite the excellent pay, benefits, and perks it has. The project is just too demoralizing.
Of course, that's the root of my quandaray, really. In order to be able to afford homeschooling (that is, me quitting my job and having the family rely on one income), I need to move away from my parents. There's no way we could afford it out here in Silicon Valley.
That's probably the number one reason we haven't moved yet. I can't imagine being away from my parents, who are two of my absolute best friends. And great parents. And excellent drop-of-the-hat babysitters. I love to watch my mom play with my kids. I can't imagine interfering with that wonderful relationship. Or my relationship with them. And, now that they are getting older, I just want to be there to support them if they ever ever ever need it at all.
But staying here for them means sending the kids to public school. In California. Gah. If I want them to see a half decent school, it means moving to ultra yuppieville. Not only do I not want to pay that kind of money on a house (renting, that is, I could never afford a $2 million home), I don't really want to live around a lot of the people who live there. Not to mention, it means giving up on owning a house.
Life has too many difficult decisions. All I know is I can't stay at my present job. I won't really go into details (I have no desire to Dooce myself!), but I really just don't like it, despite the excellent pay, benefits, and perks it has. The project is just too demoralizing.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The Mommy Smell
Chaotic Mom over at Chaotic Home has a post about Febreeze and how:
One of the sort of silly things that actually really bugs me so much about an infant in daycare is how when I pick my baby up at the end of the day, she (and before same with my son) doesn't smell right. She smells like some other woman, or her dryer sheets or something. It really stabs me deep in my heart and makes me want to cry right on the spot. I can hardly wait to get home and give her a bath or change her clothes or just et her all stinky with ME smell.
I don't know if it's a subconscious hormonal animal reaction, or if it's because just knowing she smells like someone else reminds me that someone else spent the day holding her, and rocking her, and feeding her, and it wasn't me. Someone else got to see her smiles, hear her coos, and be the center of her world. And that kills me.
But I've survived this before. My son started daycare even younger than she did, and he's still fiercely addicted to me. I'm not really worried that she's going to bond with someone else more than me. I just ache to be with her. It just feel horrible to be apart, and when she smells wrong it 's just being smacked in the face even harder with a constant reminder that I wasn't there.
When mom's have babies, they're told their babies know their own mommy's smell. Let's be honest, this "smell" is really a mommy "stench" because Mommy is too tired to take a shower some days.I was just thinking about this yesterday. My kids just started daycare/preschool in preparation for me going back to work on Friday. (And yes, it's tearing me up inside and I hate this. Ugh. It doesn't help that my job isn't on my "fun" list right now either... but I'm not going to say anything else about that and inadvertantly dooce myself.)
One of the sort of silly things that actually really bugs me so much about an infant in daycare is how when I pick my baby up at the end of the day, she (and before same with my son) doesn't smell right. She smells like some other woman, or her dryer sheets or something. It really stabs me deep in my heart and makes me want to cry right on the spot. I can hardly wait to get home and give her a bath or change her clothes or just et her all stinky with ME smell.
I don't know if it's a subconscious hormonal animal reaction, or if it's because just knowing she smells like someone else reminds me that someone else spent the day holding her, and rocking her, and feeding her, and it wasn't me. Someone else got to see her smiles, hear her coos, and be the center of her world. And that kills me.
But I've survived this before. My son started daycare even younger than she did, and he's still fiercely addicted to me. I'm not really worried that she's going to bond with someone else more than me. I just ache to be with her. It just feel horrible to be apart, and when she smells wrong it 's just being smacked in the face even harder with a constant reminder that I wasn't there.
Friday, October 13, 2006
What Archaic Word Do You Want Back?
Over at finslippy, they're talking about which archaic phrases would be fun to use again.
Personally, I just can't get enough of the word "dolt". It's short, to-the-point, and actually sounds like an insult.
I was always rather fond of "ugful", but I'm not sure anyone ever used that except for Shakespeare.
Personally, I just can't get enough of the word "dolt". It's short, to-the-point, and actually sounds like an insult.
I was always rather fond of "ugful", but I'm not sure anyone ever used that except for Shakespeare.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Boneless Chicken Broth and Kitchen Science
So, despite the fact that depression tells me I'm not ever getting anything done because my to do lists are never finished (whose are?!?!), I really am doing pretty well.
The living room and den are passably clean. The other rooms are doing okay. The dishes get done every night. I've been making dinner most nights -- sometimes it's more impressive than others. ;) I've been making cookies with my son, and playing games with him. I read to him at night almost every night (sometimes the baby chooses bedtime to want to nurse, so I end up missing reading those nights, but my husband gets reading duty that night). We have been going places, like the Children's museum. We even did some simple science projects yesterday -- paper chromatography and a study of surface tension. Not that he had any idea what he was learning, but he had fun, and he'll remember the projects, at least.
For paper chromatography, all you need is markers, coffee filters, and a little bowl of water. Pick an interesting marker color, and put a dot about an inch from the bottom of the coffee filter. Then put the filter in the water, making sure the marker dot doesn't go under water. Hold it in the water, and watch the water slowly creep up the filter. The marker will travel up the paper with the water but (and this is key!) different pigment colors will travel at different rates. This allows the water the separate the marker ink into it's constituent inks. For example if you test brown, it generally splits into cyan, yellow, and red (or magenta). You'll see that some markers colors use the exact same pigments, just in different ratios. (Here's a discussion, with images. I recommend a dot of marker, not a line. You'll get better separation. ;) )
For surface tension, all you need is pepper, dish soap, and water. Grab a bowl (or a tupperware container, whatever!) and put about an inch of water in the bottom. Sprinkle pepper on top (if you have a pepper grinder, it gives the kids something to do while you do the dishes... :D Plus, if your kids like pepper grinders like mine does, he's thrilled he gets to use it for something, and might spend less time putting pepper all over his dinner, resulting in dinner that doesn't get eaten...). The pepper will distribute itself evenly over the top of the water. Then, use a finger or a dropper or something to drip one drop of soapy water into the middle of the dish. Plop! All the pepper suddenly flies to the edges of the water! (Here's a good discussion of surface tension. Or do a google search!)
And finally, yesterday I made some chicken stock. Sort of. See, I had the husband go to the store last week, and asked him to buy "chicken parts". I don't think I said what they were for, and I probably should have been more specific... See, bought boneless chicken thighs. Did I look at the package? Nope. I saw thighs and decided to make some soup. I'm having allergies or a cold or something, and figure having some chicken stock around would be nice. So I simmered the chicken thighs for an hour or whatever before I took them out to get the meat off the bones. I went though half a dozen thighs before I realized there were no bones! Argh! I am pretty surprised though. I do have a broth that tastes like chicken, and after a night in the fridge it's obvious it has at least some gelatin in it (the stuff that makes chicken broth act like jello when it's cold -- but the gelatin mostly lives inside chicken bones, I thought!), despite the complete lack of bones. The broth is a really odd yellow color though. You could mistake the tub of it for lemon jello... until you eat it!
The living room and den are passably clean. The other rooms are doing okay. The dishes get done every night. I've been making dinner most nights -- sometimes it's more impressive than others. ;) I've been making cookies with my son, and playing games with him. I read to him at night almost every night (sometimes the baby chooses bedtime to want to nurse, so I end up missing reading those nights, but my husband gets reading duty that night). We have been going places, like the Children's museum. We even did some simple science projects yesterday -- paper chromatography and a study of surface tension. Not that he had any idea what he was learning, but he had fun, and he'll remember the projects, at least.
For paper chromatography, all you need is markers, coffee filters, and a little bowl of water. Pick an interesting marker color, and put a dot about an inch from the bottom of the coffee filter. Then put the filter in the water, making sure the marker dot doesn't go under water. Hold it in the water, and watch the water slowly creep up the filter. The marker will travel up the paper with the water but (and this is key!) different pigment colors will travel at different rates. This allows the water the separate the marker ink into it's constituent inks. For example if you test brown, it generally splits into cyan, yellow, and red (or magenta). You'll see that some markers colors use the exact same pigments, just in different ratios. (Here's a discussion, with images. I recommend a dot of marker, not a line. You'll get better separation. ;) )
For surface tension, all you need is pepper, dish soap, and water. Grab a bowl (or a tupperware container, whatever!) and put about an inch of water in the bottom. Sprinkle pepper on top (if you have a pepper grinder, it gives the kids something to do while you do the dishes... :D Plus, if your kids like pepper grinders like mine does, he's thrilled he gets to use it for something, and might spend less time putting pepper all over his dinner, resulting in dinner that doesn't get eaten...). The pepper will distribute itself evenly over the top of the water. Then, use a finger or a dropper or something to drip one drop of soapy water into the middle of the dish. Plop! All the pepper suddenly flies to the edges of the water! (Here's a good discussion of surface tension. Or do a google search!)
And finally, yesterday I made some chicken stock. Sort of. See, I had the husband go to the store last week, and asked him to buy "chicken parts". I don't think I said what they were for, and I probably should have been more specific... See, bought boneless chicken thighs. Did I look at the package? Nope. I saw thighs and decided to make some soup. I'm having allergies or a cold or something, and figure having some chicken stock around would be nice. So I simmered the chicken thighs for an hour or whatever before I took them out to get the meat off the bones. I went though half a dozen thighs before I realized there were no bones! Argh! I am pretty surprised though. I do have a broth that tastes like chicken, and after a night in the fridge it's obvious it has at least some gelatin in it (the stuff that makes chicken broth act like jello when it's cold -- but the gelatin mostly lives inside chicken bones, I thought!), despite the complete lack of bones. The broth is a really odd yellow color though. You could mistake the tub of it for lemon jello... until you eat it!
Depression
Oh, how I hate depression. I hate the feedback loop that I get stuck in that just makes it worse and worse. I hate writing about depression. I don't want anyone to know. It merely adds to the feelings of shame and guilt that depression feeds on.
But that's where I am right now. I don't know if it's post-partum hormones... or lack of sleep (lack of sleep is a very strong depression trigger for me), or just the realization that I'm going to have to send my two babies back to daycare. Or all three. Or even more.
I'm sort of in a horrible predicament though, for someone as picky as me and for someone who plans as much as me. When I became pregnant, my husband wasn't working and was home with our son. So I didn't look for a daycare for the baby or a preschool for my son. Suddenly, a mere week or two before the baby was born, my husband got a job offer that he just couldn't refuse. (And I wouldn't want him to -- he really needed to get back to work. While staying home with our son was great, it isn't something he wants to do permenently...!)
The problem is, he got a job offer when I was super pregnant, miserable, and incapable of thinking straight. Then the baby was born, and let's just say that's not a good idea to calmly discuss ways to part mommy from infant. I, um, basically refused to talk about daycare for a few weeks, as if ignoring it would make it go away. I already knew that 6 weeks was not long enough to find a decent daycare. The good ones have 6 month waiting lists. Luckily, I realized that with my husband now working, we could afford for me to take longer than the standard 6 weeks leave. So I submitted paperwork for 6 more weeks.
This entire time, I've been mentally beating myself up for not putting them on daycare waiting lists "just in case". Which is crazy -- the daycare my son went to requires $100 to get on the wait list, per kid. Who has a spare $200 laying around "just in case" when there's onle one income?! But hey, tha'ts depression. Crazy thinking that seems logical, all just to make you feel worse about yourself. But I feel like I've let everyone down. I didn't plan well enough, and now they'll be going to who-knows-what daycare. I'm not happy with the idea of placing my kids at whatever place is unpopular enough to have a short wait list, you know?
I was watching a science program on TV last night. I think it was Nova. And there was a segment on a guy who isn't just an accomplished writer, but also an accomplished scientist. And they were talking about how most people think those are two poles on some sort of linear scale -- the artist and the scientist. And in fact, they really have so much in common. And they discussed with him (and other writers and scientists) how hard it is because with both disciplines, you get engulfed by your work. It has to be your passion. Or, as they said, you don't become a writer or a scientist just because you want to, you become one because you can't NOT be one. It calls you. And while you are engaged in a book or an interesting problem, you aren't a very fun person to be around. You are obsessed. You totally throw yourself into the problem, and everything else has to wait. And they're completely and totally right.
So I started crying my eyes out watching it.
I miss science. I miss it so much. I want to grab a problem and throw myself into it and discover some neat new science thing. Or just read articles until I understand the world better. But I cannot. When I was in grad school, I saw that being a good scientist and being a good wife and mother is pretty much impossible. At least for me. Maybe some people can pull it off. Maybe they have more energy, or a less demanding family, or something. But I can't do it.
I think only other moms understand the level of sacrifice that it takes to have kids.
It's a sacrifice that I will never regret. My kids and my husband are more important to me than anything. They are more important than me and my needs. But that didn't keep me from wondering, and wishing, and crying. Just for a moment, to mourn the "what could have beens". But that just feeds the depression monster even more.
Well, my mom stayed home with us for 10 years. And then she went back to science, and she's done pretty well in her career after all, I suppose.
But I hate having to go to work and having it be something I don't care about. It's pretty much the worst of both worlds isn't it? I spend all day long away form my kids, wasting energy on something I don't even care about, and I don't have the energy or time to do what I want to at home. And I don't have the energy or drive to really do my best at work, since I really just don't care. Don't ge tme wrong -- I do my best at work, and I gve them my best. But your best is always better when you're inspired, and have that drive you get from passion.
But that's where I am right now. I don't know if it's post-partum hormones... or lack of sleep (lack of sleep is a very strong depression trigger for me), or just the realization that I'm going to have to send my two babies back to daycare. Or all three. Or even more.
I'm sort of in a horrible predicament though, for someone as picky as me and for someone who plans as much as me. When I became pregnant, my husband wasn't working and was home with our son. So I didn't look for a daycare for the baby or a preschool for my son. Suddenly, a mere week or two before the baby was born, my husband got a job offer that he just couldn't refuse. (And I wouldn't want him to -- he really needed to get back to work. While staying home with our son was great, it isn't something he wants to do permenently...!)
The problem is, he got a job offer when I was super pregnant, miserable, and incapable of thinking straight. Then the baby was born, and let's just say that's not a good idea to calmly discuss ways to part mommy from infant. I, um, basically refused to talk about daycare for a few weeks, as if ignoring it would make it go away. I already knew that 6 weeks was not long enough to find a decent daycare. The good ones have 6 month waiting lists. Luckily, I realized that with my husband now working, we could afford for me to take longer than the standard 6 weeks leave. So I submitted paperwork for 6 more weeks.
This entire time, I've been mentally beating myself up for not putting them on daycare waiting lists "just in case". Which is crazy -- the daycare my son went to requires $100 to get on the wait list, per kid. Who has a spare $200 laying around "just in case" when there's onle one income?! But hey, tha'ts depression. Crazy thinking that seems logical, all just to make you feel worse about yourself. But I feel like I've let everyone down. I didn't plan well enough, and now they'll be going to who-knows-what daycare. I'm not happy with the idea of placing my kids at whatever place is unpopular enough to have a short wait list, you know?
I was watching a science program on TV last night. I think it was Nova. And there was a segment on a guy who isn't just an accomplished writer, but also an accomplished scientist. And they were talking about how most people think those are two poles on some sort of linear scale -- the artist and the scientist. And in fact, they really have so much in common. And they discussed with him (and other writers and scientists) how hard it is because with both disciplines, you get engulfed by your work. It has to be your passion. Or, as they said, you don't become a writer or a scientist just because you want to, you become one because you can't NOT be one. It calls you. And while you are engaged in a book or an interesting problem, you aren't a very fun person to be around. You are obsessed. You totally throw yourself into the problem, and everything else has to wait. And they're completely and totally right.
So I started crying my eyes out watching it.
I miss science. I miss it so much. I want to grab a problem and throw myself into it and discover some neat new science thing. Or just read articles until I understand the world better. But I cannot. When I was in grad school, I saw that being a good scientist and being a good wife and mother is pretty much impossible. At least for me. Maybe some people can pull it off. Maybe they have more energy, or a less demanding family, or something. But I can't do it.
I think only other moms understand the level of sacrifice that it takes to have kids.
It's a sacrifice that I will never regret. My kids and my husband are more important to me than anything. They are more important than me and my needs. But that didn't keep me from wondering, and wishing, and crying. Just for a moment, to mourn the "what could have beens". But that just feeds the depression monster even more.
Well, my mom stayed home with us for 10 years. And then she went back to science, and she's done pretty well in her career after all, I suppose.
But I hate having to go to work and having it be something I don't care about. It's pretty much the worst of both worlds isn't it? I spend all day long away form my kids, wasting energy on something I don't even care about, and I don't have the energy or time to do what I want to at home. And I don't have the energy or drive to really do my best at work, since I really just don't care. Don't ge tme wrong -- I do my best at work, and I gve them my best. But your best is always better when you're inspired, and have that drive you get from passion.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Interrogation Techniques Revealed!
The CIA's list of interrogation techniques was leaked to the papers:
"The techniques sought by the CIA are: induced hypothermia; forcing suspects to stand for prolonged periods; sleep deprivation; a technique called "the attention grab" where a suspect's shirt is forcefully seized; the "attention slap" or open hand slapping that hurts but does not lead to physical damage; the "belly slap"; and sound and light manipulation."
...and?
I mean, seriously, my kids subject me to 6 of the 7 on a semi-daily basis. They have never, however, induced hypothermia. They're more likely to make you sweat to death. On top of those other 6 techniques, they do other fun things. I think we'd get a lot more information out of the terrorists if we made them nurse a teething baby. We could hold a tube of lanolin just out of reach!
(Nursing is going pretty well, but she gets a little too, uh, enthusiastic. Like her brother was...)
"The techniques sought by the CIA are: induced hypothermia; forcing suspects to stand for prolonged periods; sleep deprivation; a technique called "the attention grab" where a suspect's shirt is forcefully seized; the "attention slap" or open hand slapping that hurts but does not lead to physical damage; the "belly slap"; and sound and light manipulation."
...and?
I mean, seriously, my kids subject me to 6 of the 7 on a semi-daily basis. They have never, however, induced hypothermia. They're more likely to make you sweat to death. On top of those other 6 techniques, they do other fun things. I think we'd get a lot more information out of the terrorists if we made them nurse a teething baby. We could hold a tube of lanolin just out of reach!
(Nursing is going pretty well, but she gets a little too, uh, enthusiastic. Like her brother was...)
Friday, September 08, 2006
Oh, right, I had a baby!
I've had it pointed out to me that I, uh, sorta forgot to mention that I
had a baby!
She was born on August 4th, after a relatively easy labor. Thank
goodness... Her brother was not an easy birth, and the recovery was
awful. (With him, my husband had to stay home for 4 weeks just to take
care of us!)
She is a happy pretty pink pudgy little piggy. She makes the cutest
little grunting noises and already sometimes lets me sleep 5 hours
straight at night. (Her brother had colic.... So I'm shocked and pleased
that I sometimes get sleep, instead of a baby screaming from midnight
until 3 am...!)
By 2 weeks after she was born, she was already a pound over her birth
weight! She's a very good eater... Or I have really powerful milk, or
something. :D
Now, if only I could get the house cleaned up before I have to go back
to work. (*sigh*)
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I'm Back!
Sorry, just had a baby. It was a little busy there for a while... and I hadn't been doing a lot of cleaning, so the idea of posting was, quite frankly, very depressing.
I have been recovering pretty quickly though, which is great! I had a very slow, long, horrible recovery with my son, so I was expecting this all to take longer. Happily, I'm already doing a lot of chores and starting to declutter again. I don't know when the place was last vacuumed, though. :( I have a ton of catching up to do.
Of course, today I feel pretty horrible. I don't know if it's allergies or what. My abdominal muscles are still incredibly weak (thehy were stretched really thin!) so I usually have a sore back, and I have to wear an abdominal binder or I feel like my guts are going to fall out. Some days they still feel like that anyway!
So, right now, the goal is to keep up on the daily tasks like the dishes, laundry, etc.. and start decluttering the den. I really need to get my son's toys all cleaned up, because right now they are all over everything in every room, and he can never find anything he's looking for! I'm hoping to bo some up that he isn't using, and put some others up on shelves so that there's some actual floor space available. Then I start migrating to the other rooms to fix them. I know I'm supposed to go to a new room each week, bt without hte den cleaned up, I just don't see how I can clean up any other room!
Yesterday I got some shelves out of hte garage and cleaned them up and started putting the fisher price little people toys on them. Just with a little cleaning like that (and getting dh to move some boes out..!) it's already a lot better. I just wish I felt better and oculd run in and do it all in one day. I've been living in mess and dirt too long, and I'm worried about the fact that we haven't vacuumed or dusted enough, in a house with lead paint! Ugh... I hate this place.
I have been recovering pretty quickly though, which is great! I had a very slow, long, horrible recovery with my son, so I was expecting this all to take longer. Happily, I'm already doing a lot of chores and starting to declutter again. I don't know when the place was last vacuumed, though. :( I have a ton of catching up to do.
Of course, today I feel pretty horrible. I don't know if it's allergies or what. My abdominal muscles are still incredibly weak (thehy were stretched really thin!) so I usually have a sore back, and I have to wear an abdominal binder or I feel like my guts are going to fall out. Some days they still feel like that anyway!
So, right now, the goal is to keep up on the daily tasks like the dishes, laundry, etc.. and start decluttering the den. I really need to get my son's toys all cleaned up, because right now they are all over everything in every room, and he can never find anything he's looking for! I'm hoping to bo some up that he isn't using, and put some others up on shelves so that there's some actual floor space available. Then I start migrating to the other rooms to fix them. I know I'm supposed to go to a new room each week, bt without hte den cleaned up, I just don't see how I can clean up any other room!
Yesterday I got some shelves out of hte garage and cleaned them up and started putting the fisher price little people toys on them. Just with a little cleaning like that (and getting dh to move some boes out..!) it's already a lot better. I just wish I felt better and oculd run in and do it all in one day. I've been living in mess and dirt too long, and I'm worried about the fact that we haven't vacuumed or dusted enough, in a house with lead paint! Ugh... I hate this place.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Murphy's Law Strikes Again
That darn Murphy came to get me. Just as I was happily updating that while I'm not perfect, everything was going along pretty much, with much improvement.... my uterus had other ideas.
Yes indeedly, just about 6 hours after my May Update post, I found myself at the hospital in labor & delivery being checked for pre-term labor! Everything's okay -- it's not pre-term labor, just an awful huge honking pile of unpleasant, yet non-productive, contractions. The doctor put me on bed rest for a week. Now, it's nice to get to have an unexpected vacation from work.... but the house just fell apart! My regular OB says bed rest isn't shown to prevent pre-term labor, but (on the other hand) when I stand up, I'm dizzy, short of breath, and my contractions worsen. So I'm still on self-imposed bed rest. With minor exceptions (I let myself do a load of laundry every day. I'm not even folding it! But at least everyone will have clean, though wrinkly, underwear).
My dad's coming over to visit later. I'm trying not to freak out over the dirty dishes in the sink, and the mess everywhere. I think I will bother to go take a shower and put on some pants, though. ;)
DH fed us three meals a day, kept The Boy in clean diapers, and went to the grocery store. The Boy cleaned up the toys on the floor of the living room each night. But most of the other chores did not, in any way, get done. It's hard to watch the house fall apart like that, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Oh well. A little set back. It's still not as bad as it was 5 months ago, and it will get better again. Baby steps.
Yes indeedly, just about 6 hours after my May Update post, I found myself at the hospital in labor & delivery being checked for pre-term labor! Everything's okay -- it's not pre-term labor, just an awful huge honking pile of unpleasant, yet non-productive, contractions. The doctor put me on bed rest for a week. Now, it's nice to get to have an unexpected vacation from work.... but the house just fell apart! My regular OB says bed rest isn't shown to prevent pre-term labor, but (on the other hand) when I stand up, I'm dizzy, short of breath, and my contractions worsen. So I'm still on self-imposed bed rest. With minor exceptions (I let myself do a load of laundry every day. I'm not even folding it! But at least everyone will have clean, though wrinkly, underwear).
My dad's coming over to visit later. I'm trying not to freak out over the dirty dishes in the sink, and the mess everywhere. I think I will bother to go take a shower and put on some pants, though. ;)
DH fed us three meals a day, kept The Boy in clean diapers, and went to the grocery store. The Boy cleaned up the toys on the floor of the living room each night. But most of the other chores did not, in any way, get done. It's hard to watch the house fall apart like that, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Oh well. A little set back. It's still not as bad as it was 5 months ago, and it will get better again. Baby steps.
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