Trust

Now that I think of it, I think that was problem all along. I mean, I've been trying to follow FLYLady for what -- five years? Six years? How long has she been around?!

But I have a big ego, and tend to think most people are, uh, not so useful. Ben Franklin would yell at me for that, though he was exactly the same, now wasn't he? ;)

On top of that, there is the ever-present issue that if I try something, it means I could possibly fail. We perfectionists don't like that! So if I don't really try, then I can't really fail. But hey, you also can't really succeed, now can you? So I guess I sabotage myself before it even has a chance to work.

At the very beginning of the past 3-4 weeks of FLYing, after my first big day where I really noticed a change, it totally freaked me out. The living room was CLEAN. Vacuumed. No toys on the floor. Clean! It was wonderful. And moments after I realized that, I thought that now I was going to have to work to keep it that way. It made me happy, it made my son happy. And how could I deny my son happiness? But I doubted I could keep it up because, after all, I never had before. So that clean room managed to inexplicably make me feel like a failure and a bad mom! How crazy is that? But I do the same thing to myself all the time.

But I've gotten past that, at least for now. I managed to push through and get these routines more settled. The beginning must be the hardest. When you have no routine to build on, it's hard to get traction! But I finally did. I have routines! And they are already getting so much easier. I have laundry practically on autopilot now. The living room and den have been decluttered every night to make sure the floor is clear and toys are put away. It's so nice to get up to a cleaner house.

But the really hard part was the first leap of faith, to do the work and get to here. It's so, incredibly hard. I don't have enough trust to do it, usually. I think the only reason it worked this time is because I'm pregnant. What's that, you say? Pregnant? What does that have to do with it?? Well, basically, I'm in the second trimester. That means that we're past the first trimester exhaustion. We're past morning sickness. We're not quite to the point that you feel like a huge beached whale and that moving isn't possible, much less cleaning. And, to top it off, you have extra energy provided by the need to nest. It's like being possessed by some sort of cleaning demon! And that extra energy and drive and craziness gave me just enough oomph to finally get off my rear end and get some stuff done! Thank you pregnancy hormones!

Thank you FLYLady.